His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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