took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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