Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize