I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
