I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
