Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
