Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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