I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize