I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
