also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize