We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
