Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
