I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
