woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize