I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
