fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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