How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
