youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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