Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
