i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
