Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
