If that was your dad, he is hot
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
