Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
