The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
