This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
