Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
