Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
