My nipple is on Facebook.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize