I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
