dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
