I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
