just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
