I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
