he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
