she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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