12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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