Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
did i walk over a car last night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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