I have demons in me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
