you would pick up someone in the library
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
