Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
