The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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