so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize