He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
