There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
