just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
