Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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