We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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