i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
