"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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