How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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