you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
