i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
