How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
