Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
