alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
