I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
