Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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