Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
