just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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