So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
