I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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