So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize