Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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