Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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