There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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