How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize