She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
