Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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