I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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