I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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