Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
