my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
