Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
