Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
