how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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