Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it's like iHOP with fire
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
