Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize