Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
