the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
3pm strippers are depressing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
