There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
