tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
