You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
