i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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