i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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