I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
