I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
