that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
