How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
