we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
