Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
