My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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